Divorce Was Never the Destination: Who Is Marriage Really For?

CAN WE REFLECT A LITTLE?

Marriage, in its essence, was never meant to be a battlefield. It was never a contest of ego, a race for leverage, or a stage for proving dominance. The law, the customs, and society never intended it to be. Yet today, too many of us have mistaken its purpose.
The Marriage Act and the Matrimonial Causes Act were not designed to encourage conflict. They were designed to regulate, protect, and preserve an institution that has shaped families, communities, and generations. Divorce was never intended to be the goal of marriage; it was a humane exit, a last resort for unbearable situations, not a plan from the beginning.
And yet, society has inverted this logic. We no longer marry to build; we marry with divorce already in mind. We marry to prove something: to assert independence, to claim victory, to secure advantage. We calculate: who keeps the house, who gains custody, who emerges financially ahead. The law, meant to protect the vulnerable, is weaponised as a tool for strategy, not shelter.
But marriage is not a game.

Marriage was meant for partners, not adversaries. It was meant for builders, not destroyers. It was meant for shared responsibility, not unilateral dominance. Men and women did not enter this union to prove who is stronger, smarter, or braver. We entered it to build together, to endure together, and to thrive together.
So why have we turned the institution into a war zone? Why do we measure contributions like scores, or assume that responsibility should fall on one while the other observes? Why enter marriage with ill manners, pride, and selfish intent? What happiness are we searching for outside the home that we cannot create within it?
In a ship, one person leads, and another helps. Leadership and support are distinct roles, but both are vital. Pride often confuses this balance: the helper grows eager to lead, and the leader may abandon the helm when challenged. Both betray the partnership when they overstep or withdraw.

Marriage works the same way:
The leader must lead, take responsibility, make decisions, and safeguard the home.
The helper must support, encourage, strengthen, and care without assuming the leadership role.
Neither should mock the other. Arrogance and ego have no place here. A helper unwilling to be guided should not enter the institution. A leader unwilling to carry responsibility should stay away. Children, the living proof of marriage, are nurtured by both, in love, in unison, and with shared purpose.

Divorce was meant to protect dignity, not reward ambition or greed. The law did not create the battlefield; our pride and impatience did. A society that marries expecting divorce will destroy both marriage and the moral foundation of the law meant to save it.
If you want to travel fast, go alone. But if you want to travel far, carry your family with you. Support each other’s dreams. Celebrate each other’s victories. Share the burdens, the joys, and the responsibilities. Enter marriage with purpose, vision, and love, not ego, competition, or calculation.

Marriage is a covenant, a partnership, a shared journey, not a chessboard for dominance or a stage for mockery. Until we understand that, no law, no statute, no court ruling can save it from becoming the very battlefield we mistakenly imagine it to be.
Marriage is not about winning. It is about building together, enduring together, and creating a home where love, purpose, and partnership reign supreme.