The Law and the Heart: Understanding the Promise to Marry in Nigerian Law

By P.L. Osakwe

Abstract

A promise to marry is not merely a romantic gesture, it carries legal implications under Nigerian law. While marriage is a deeply personal and cultural institution, when a person makes a clear, unambiguous promise to marry and later breaks it without just cause, the aggrieved party may seek legal redress. This article explores the legal basis of the promise to marry, its enforceability, required evidence, defenses, and remedies available under Nigerian law. It also examines the tension between legal obligations and emotional realities.

1. Introduction

Love may be blind, but the law sees clearly, especially when it comes to broken promises. In Nigeria, a promise to marry is more than just a private affair between lovers. It is recognized by law as a contractual agreement, and a breach of that promise can give rise to a civil action known as "breach of promise to marry."
This legal doctrine aims not to force anyone into marriage but to offer remedies to those emotionally and socially injured by unjustly broken engagements.

2. Legal Basis of a Promise to Marry

Under Nigerian common law and judicial precedent, a promise to marry is considered an enforceable contract, provided the following elements are present:

■ Offer: A clear and definite proposal of marriage.
■ Acceptance: The other party agrees to the proposal.
■ Intention to Create Legal Relations: The parties intended the promise to be binding.
■ Capacity: Both parties must be of marriageable age, unmarried to others, and mentally competent.

3. How the Promise Is Proved.

Unlike commercial contracts, these agreements are often oral and undocumented. Therefore, evidence becomes crucial:

■ Text messages, letters, or emails referencing the promise.
■ Witnesses who heard the promise or saw actions based on it.
■ Proof of engagement ceremonies, introduction to family, or shared plans for marriage.
■ Gifts exchanged, especially engagement rings or traditional items.
■ Joint investments or preparations made toward the marriage.
■ The court looks at the conduct of the parties as well as direct statements.

4. Grounds for a Valid Breach

Not every withdrawal from an engagement is a legal wrong. Some breaches are justified, such as when:

● One party discovers fraud, deceit, or criminal behavior.

The other party is found to be already married or otherwise legally incapable of marriage.

● Serious moral incompatibility, abuse, or threats arise.
● Mutual agreement to end the engagement is reached.

Where there is no justifiable reason, however, a wrongful breach may give rise to a claim.

5. Remedies for Breach of Promise to Marry

The law does not force anyone to marry against their will. However, it may compensate the aggrieved party. Remedies include:

5.1. General Damages

Awarded for emotional distress, public embarrassment, and social stigma, especially in communities where broken engagements affect marriage prospects.

Example:
A woman who turned down other suitors because of the promise, or a man who incurred wedding expenses in expectation of the union.

5.2. Special Damages

These cover financial losses incurred as a direct result of the breach, such as money spent on:

□ Wedding preparations.
□ Rent or accommodation jointly secured.
□ Bridal lists, dowry items, or ceremonies.

5.3. Recovery of Gifts

The court may order the return of engagement rings, bride price, or significant gifts given in contemplation of marriage.

6. Defenses Available to the Defendant

A person accused of breaching a promise to marry may raise any of the following:

□ No valid promise was made.
□ Promise was conditional, and the condition was not fulfilled.
□ Plaintiff misrepresented a material fact (e.g., health status, previous marriage).
□ Mutual withdrawal or cancellation by both parties.
□ The claim is statute-barred (under Section 8 of the Limitation Law of some states).

7. Societal Implications and Cultural Context

In Nigerian society, engagement often carries cultural weight, not just legal. Families get involved, dowries are paid, and social reputations are tied to marriage intentions. A public breach may lead to shame, loss of prospects, and psychological trauma, especially for women.
This is why courts sometimes award symbolic damages to acknowledge social injury, even if financial loss is minimal.

8. Cautionary Note: Don’t Use the Courts to Settle Emotional Scores

Courts are reluctant to entertain frivolous or vindictive claims arising from romantic disappointments. Plaintiffs must show that:

□ The promise was serious, not casual talk.
□ The breach was unjustified, not due to mutual or justified withdrawal.
□ The losses or injuries are provable.
□ The law offers compensation, not revenge.

9. Legal and Moral Lessons

■ Do not promise to marry casually. Your words may carry legal weight.
■ If you withdraw, do so honestly and for valid reasons, not to spite or embarrass.
■ Always document important commitments and consider involving trusted witnesses.
■ Think carefully before investing emotionally or financially based on a verbal promise.

♤ Conclusion

A promise to marry is a bridge between romance and responsibility. While it flows from emotion, it can carry the force of law. Nigerian courts recognize the pain and social cost of broken engagements, especially when one party has been misled or strung along. Yet, the law also preserves the personal freedom not to marry when valid concerns arise.

In the end, love may be a personal choice, but the promises we make in its name can have legal injury.