When Protection Becomes a Weapon: The Legal Dilemma in Family Law and the Call for Balance

By P.L. Osakwe

"Justice is not served when one party wins at the complete ruin of the other. Justice is served when truth, dignity, and peace prevail in the home."

■ Introduction: The Noble Aim of Family Law

Family law is one of the most sensitive and impactful areas of any legal system. Its reach extends to the most intimate parts of human life — marriage, children, home, and emotional bonds. The purpose of family law is to ensure justice and protection within relationships that are, by their nature, personal and complex. It is a domain where the law must act both as a guardian and a healer.

In most societies, particularly patriarchal ones like Nigeria, family law evolved to protect the weaker parties in the marital relationship — usually women and children. This protection was essential. For centuries, married women had little or no rights to property, decision-making, or bodily autonomy. The law rightly stepped in to correct that imbalance.

However, as legal systems have progressed, a new and delicate problem has emerged: the misuse of legal protection.

Women now have important rights, as they should. But in some instances, these rights have been weaponised. Legal protections intended to shield are sometimes used to control, punish, or extort. This article examines the legal dilemma created by such misuse, its implications for men, women, children, and the union itself, and offers a pathway for reform that preserves justice and dignity for all.

I. The Origins and Rationale of Legal Protection in Marriage.

The foundation of legal protection in family law rests on centuries of gender imbalance. In traditional legal and social settings, a woman, once married, often lost her legal identity and rights. Her property became her husband's. Her opinions were secondary. Her abuse was often overlooked or tolerated as a domestic issue.

Laws such as the Married Women’s Property Act (1882) in England — whose spirit influenced post-colonial laws in Nigeria — were revolutionary in recognizing that a woman could own property, enter into contracts, and sue in her own name. Nigerian customary law and statutory law began evolving to reflect these changes, especially with the rise of constitutional guarantees under Sections 34 and 42 of the 1999 Constitution.

In modern legal frameworks, women are rightfully granted:
° Protection from domestic violence (e.g., VAPP Act 2015)
° Equal property rights in some matrimonial proceedings.
° Custodial preferences where children are involved (especially for young children).
• Freedom from marital rape or forced cohabitation.
•Protection against economic neglect.

These protections are meant to empower and restore balance. But law, like medicine, must be administered with care. Too much of a remedy becomes a new disease.

II. When Protection Becomes a Weapon

■ Legal protection becomes problematic when it is used not as a shield, but as a sword.
■ In family courts across Nigeria and the world, a growing trend emerges:
■ False allegations of abuse or adultery to gain an upper hand in custody or divorce settlements
■ Manipulation of restraining orders to force a partner out of the home unjustly
■ Misuse of child custody laws to deny access to children
■ Unjust enrichment claims using matrimonial proceedings as a financial trap
■ Deliberate provocation of the system to punish a spouse emotionally and socially

This misuse creates a dangerous precedent. When courts are repeatedly used for malicious intent, the entire justice system is strained, and genuine victims suffer delays or skepticism.
The consequence? Men who are supposed to be protectors and providers begin to fear marriage.

Children are dragged into bitter legal battles. And women who need real protection are lumped together with those who abuse the system.

III. The Silent Suffering of Men

It is difficult to speak of male suffering in the context of family law without sounding dismissive of historical injustices against women. Yet, justice demands that we acknowledge all pain.

In Nigeria today:
Many men suffer in silence under emotional and psychological abuse but cannot report it due to shame or disbelief.
Some are falsely accused of violence or infidelity to force them into financial concessions or social disgrace.
Fathers are alienated from their children, sometimes for years, due to prejudiced custody rulings or malicious interference.
Men pay heavy spousal maintenance or child support while being denied access or respect.

Yet there is little legal recourse. Society expects men to "endure" — to remain stoic and pay the price, both financially and emotionally.
This unspoken crisis is tearing apart the foundation of family life. And the law must not turn a blind eye.

IV. The Impact on Children and the Union

Children suffer the most in this legal imbalance.

When one parent uses the law to punish the other, children are caught in the crossfire:

● They become pawns in custody disputes.
● They are forced to choose sides or absorb adult traumas.
● They grow up with bitterness, confusion, and emotional scars.

The institution of marriage itself is also under threat. When the law seems to favor one party unconditionally, trust in its fairness diminishes. Marriage becomes a legal trap rather than a sacred partnership.

V. The Need for a Balanced Legal Framework.

Family law must return to its core purpose: to protect, not punish. To heal, not divide.

1. Neutral and Evidence-Based Adjudication.

Courts must treat both men and women as equally capable of harm and equally deserving of protection. Presumptions should not favor one party over the other without concrete evidence.

2. Strengthening Mediation and Counseling.

Before rushing to litigation, mandatory family counseling and mediation can resolve many disputes amicably. The goal should be reconciliation or peaceful separation, not destruction.

3. Penalties for False Accusations and Legal Manipulation.

The law should discourage misuse by punishing perjury, false allegations, and abuse of court processes in family law cases.

4. Education and Public Awareness.

Public campaigns should educate people, men and women alike — on their rights, responsibilities, and the consequences of misuse. Ignorance must no longer be an excuse.

5. Protection for Male Victims.

Family law must include mechanisms for men facing emotional abuse, custody denial, or legal manipulation. Hotlines, shelters, and support systems should be gender-neutral.

VI. Conclusion: Justice with Compassion.

Family law must serve truth, not gender.

It must evolve beyond the traditional assumption that only women are vulnerable. Vulnerability exists on both sides. And so does the capacity for harm.

If the law is truly just, it must listen to all cries, not just the loudest or most socially convenient. The future of the family depends on fairness, not favoritism.
“Let the law be a balm, not a bullet. Let it restore love, or at least dignity. Let it be worthy of the home it seeks to protect.”